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 Artemis

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Braakk
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Approved#1PostSubject: Artemis   Mon Jan 23, 2017 12:43 am


Name: Artemis
Habitable: Very
Terrain: Similar in climate variation to that of Earth.
Size: About 2.5 times the size of Earth.
Population: Because all species are officially welcome to the planet for refuge or just to stop by, population and variation changes. However, the only permanent residents, the Artem, have a population of about 10,500,000,000.
Location: Any


Technology
Because the Artem are a peaceful and friendly species which almost every other nondestructive species (such as UNSC, Nepharians, etc.) regards as an ally, they have many visitors. As such, they sometimes are given technologies as thanks for their hospitality, so they have tech from almost any species, though they usually only have light weaponry because of their peaceful nature.
History
The Artem have been there for as long as anyone can remember. The planet was once ravaged by war, but the Artem then decided that the bloodshed was enough, and became a peaceful species. Now, it is a common safe haven in the universe, serving as both a refuge and trading post for anyone who needs it.


Description
Artemis’ surface is 60% water, but the entire planet contains no salt water whatsoever. Otherwise, the climate is very similar in differentiation to Earth. The planet is governed by a council of Artem, but consider suggestion on how to improve their world from anyone who offers it, although they absolutely refuse to give up their peaceful nature. The head of the council is called the High Peacekeeper, a title which currently belongs to an Artem named Alvis.


Last edited by Braakk on Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:24 am; edited 5 times in total
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Approved#2PostSubject: Re: Artemis   Mon Jan 23, 2017 1:17 am

Sounds like a nice place to live... A couple of problems though

Brakk wrote:
However, the only permanent residents, the Artem, have a population of about 150,000,000,000


150 billion (if I'm reading this right) sounds like an awful lot of people for a single planet. Your sizing is strange too, "Large, but not huge" doesn't give anyone a real idea of how big it is. How big would it be compared to earth?

Brakk wrote:
 friendly species which almost every other regards as an ally

Awkwardly worded and a lot of people can get confused because of this. You'll need to do threads IC to make other species allies. (Just sayin') Also you may want to be careful with "being allies with everyone" as a lot of species don't like each other and would destroy the planet simply for being friends with someone they don't like. Neutral perhaps?

Also a handful of grammatical errors:

Brakk wrote:
The planet was once ravished by war

I'm pretty sure the word you're looking for is ravaged. Ravished means to sieze, ravaged means extremely devastated
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Approved#3PostSubject: Re: Artemis   Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:19 am

Ok. I've lowered the population, given a size, given examples, given better description, and corrected the grammatical mistakes. Anything else needed?
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Approved#4PostSubject: Re: Artemis   Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:22 am

Yes, I just want to make sure It's 10.5 Earth's large. That would equate to roughly 10.5 Gs, which I don't believe most species would be able to live in. Population still seems large to me but that's just my opinion.
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Approved#5PostSubject: Re: Artemis   Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:24 am

Ok edited
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Approved#6PostSubject: Re: Artemis   Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:26 am

Alright, approved!
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Approved#7PostSubject: Re: Artemis   Mon Jan 23, 2017 8:21 am

Secondary Approved.
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